Trust is one of those qualities of human relationship and interaction that is essential for families, communities and ultimately nations to not only prosper but also to survive. In any civil society and at some level, somewhere-somehow trust and confidence in the people that one interacts with must exist or else the social fabric around one starts to self destruct. Humans basically need to know that there is someone out there whom they can trust in.
“Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur“. This is roughly how one from the so called “west” might define trust. In Papua New Guinea trust takes on a totally different meaning and if there was one thing that would ever lead me to “get the fuck out of Dodge” – it’s the lack of deep trust that I am slowly developing for Papua New Guineans generally.
A couple of months ago I wrote a post titled the “10 Paradoxes of Papua New Guinea“. Just to recap here they are as I noted them in that previous post:
- You can trust a man with your life but not with 50 bucks.
- Lovers will not hold hands in public but good mates do.
- Order and chaos are one and the same.
- A person’s wealth is measured by what they give away rather than what they accumulate.
- There’s no such thing as PMV timetables but as a rule of thumb one does not have to wait longer than a few minutes for a passing bus.
- There’s no such thing as a free gift even though the locals give freely.
- It’s much easier to raise money for the dead than what it is for the living.
- Papua New Guineans will patiently hang around for hours but when it comes to queues they lose all sense of courtesy.
- It’s totally acceptable for a man to have close body contact with a young lass whilst riding on the back of a PMV other times it’s probably best not to have eye contact.
- There is no word for paradox in Tok Pisin!
Why am I writing about “trust” and “paradoxes” on a Saturday afternoon instead of napping or going for a walk down to the local market for a story and a chew?
Folks say and joke about (although not really funny) that a white man married to a local woman will eventually find himself (if he’s lucky) with just the shirt on his back. All other material possessions that the bloke might have owned, slowly but surely ending up in the hands of someone else – more than likely – extended family and friends.
Well, there have been three incidents that have occurred lately which I would like to get of my chest that make me think that my little tirade on the lack of trust around these parts is a fact and not something I am just imagining.
Here goes…
- We recently had a relative of Eli’s staying with us for a few weeks – a young kid by the name of Simon. Simon is roughly 13 years of age. On a previous visit to the village we felt sorry (big mistake) for Simon after he had just lost his Mum in a truck accident a few weeks before. The fact that Simon smoked whilst he was here (behind our backs of course) didn’t particularly bother me. The shit he did in the vegetable patch – although Mama Blogan was very annoyed and courted/charged the whole household – didn’t bother me – but the cash and MP3 player that he stole from Eli – now that irks me no end. We fed him, gave him pocket money, bought a bunch of clothes for him but still that wasn’t enough. The prick had to turn around and steal from us even after inviting him into our home. I had very stern words with Simon’s father the last time we stayed at the “hut” and as far as I’m concerned he will never – ever – ever be allowed anywhere near our home again.
- The second incident concerns the fire we had at home a couple of weeks ago. Our neighbours and street friends rushed in to help us out – all very decent and unapproachable community spirit you might think – think again – on their way out after it was all over – folks helped themselves to various household items.
- The last item and one that has only happened in the last week concerns some household items and groceries that we asked one of the relatives to take back to the village and give to one of Eli’s uncle’s. About K60 worth of goods: flour, oil, nails, betelnut etc… intended for Uncle Jacobmai as compensation for some building work that he is doing for us. Do you think that these things ever arrived? You guessed right!!! Disappeared and not seen since – together with the bloke that was meant to deliver them.
(A quick note on point ’3′… you haven’t heard the last of this one – we know who the bloke is and have just sent word back to the village! PNG justice can be very swift indeed (and nasty by the way). The least the culprit will be get away with (when caught) is a decent panel beating. In fact – I probably won’t recognise him next time I see him – due to the re-arrangement of some of his facial features!!)
So…
The moral of this story: “To live, work, stay safe and enjoy this country – one must interact with the locals – but one inevitably pays the price for this interaction – sad folks – but true“.
Hmmmmm…..
I don’t really have an answer Robert – except that its Papua New Guinea.
Bigpela wori bilong yumi tupela wantaim!!
R
So sad but so true Robert. It was an eye opener to watch Chinatown in Honiara being looted in 2006 (which was one of the things that prompted our more back to Oz). It was like being at the Sydney Royal Easter Show (yes, it was that crowded), except everything was free. Every single store in Chinatown was systematically emptied out into the crowd, then torched. One after the other. Old, bent, women walked past with bags of rice, young kids with handfuls of textas, men with chainsaw blades – there was not a shred of guilt.
I stayed at a mates village about ten years ago, and when I got back to the nearby town I bought two five kilo bags of rice and gave them to my mates brother to give to his father as a thankyou gift. The father later thanked me – “thankyou for that one small bag of rice”.
This is also the reason for when I lived in Honiara I made sure I owned almost nothing except a few household items. It just goes with the territory. It’s also why government just doesn’t work without corruption (If I don’t steal it, someone else will!!).
“Nothing tastes better than stolen pig-pig”
Hi Nick,
The way I am starting to see things and relating it to the story about the 2x bags of rice never quite reaching your mate’s dad…. it is very plausible that the old man actually lied to you and that in fact he did receive the 2x 5kg bags!
R
[...] Vote Papua New Guineans and trust [...]
Rob,
The whole country is rotten with theft of all kinds and at all levels, and by all sorts of people. I really do not like my use of the word “whole” because it implies everyone, but sometimes it seems that way.
Just look at the politicians, who must be the masters of stealing. What we read in the media is probably one fifth of what is stolen.
What is the fascinating bit is that there seems to be no compunction or remorse felt in stealing, even when is from close family members. And the good churchgoers seemingly forget the eighth commandment when they pocket ill gotten gains.
I have lost many many thousands of kinas worth of personal goods and money.
My PNG partner has over the years systematically milked joint bank accounts. The only solution for me was to have my own bank accounts.
I too, have seen many white men come to this country only to leave with the shirt on their backs, and the only reason they kept their shirt was that they slept in it the night before their go pinis flight !
They have paid school fees for so many children, provide for and nurtured them, and yet still the stealing and lying continues.
Never go into business with a local. Never put a telephone on their desk with international access. Never have joint bank accounts. Never give them a computer with internet access.
Luckily, my time is coming to an end in PNG. I am not bitter – I went into it with my eyes open – but I am a wiser man today. I did re-arrange my financial affairs some time ago, and that saved me.
Nick got it right – travel lightly and leave any valuable and sentimental items back home, including your emotions.
I found the secret was to be friendly and approachable, but after many betrayals, I gradually placed a small distance between myself and most of the locals.
I see many Australians who opted for PNG citizenship, and are bitterly regretting it now. Many have asked me for a glowing reference to support their re-claim of Oz citizenship. I am always glad to help – to see an Australian regain something of a life again. They realised some years after getting PNG citizenship, becoming a Papua New Guinean ensures that you are on the slow road to destitution.
The sad thing about all this is that Papua New Guineans can be some of the best people I have met in my life, and I count many great friends here – it’s just that they cannot be trusted, so I leave any trust out of my friendship equation with them. If there is any money involved, I manage it to my rules.
Need some rice ? – no problems – come with me to the store and we will buy the rice – but no, I will not give you the money.
School fees to be paid ? -no problems – give me the name and telephone number of the school, the completed enrolment form, and I will confirm all that. I will also visit the school. When I am satisfied all is kosher, I will deposit the fees to the schools bank account. And no, you will not be given the cash.
PNG is a great country. There are many beautiful people here, and they deserve a better life than they are currently experiencing. But trust seems to have flown out the window, and this causes such hardship.
And just to finish, be a little wary of some of the whites (thankfully a small number). Some of them are only marginally better than the locals.
Your comment rings very true for me. After almost seven years I find myself in Sydney wondering whether I will ever go back. A friend of mine told me once – Rob… you could be as poor as a pauper and you will still be their sugar daddy. For the 1st few years I absolutely adored the country and it’s people but like you – I have gradually distanced myself. The need to withdraw from locals and custom becomes necessary from the point of view of self preservation as you so truthfully remarked.Greed and jealousy have become endemic and the country is in a state of social collapse. I can see the reality but at the same time I am really sad – losing something that had become very precious to me.
Thanks Rob,
I suppose it is horses for courses. Some people find the place enchanting (and I am/ was one of those), but enchantment is not quite enough. Sooner or later, one has to find satisfaction, contentment and decency, all of which both can be sometimes hard to find in PNG, simply because of a society which reduces all of those qualities.
I am thoroughly sick of hearing of some churchgoer, who when the pastor regales the congregation with the evils of having sexual relationships in the family, nods wisely with the congregation, and then proceeds straight home to have sex with his 9 year old daughter.
Of course, the geography is world class, and I count so many great days looking at the limestone cliffs of Chimbu, the azure blue waters of the Trobriand Islands. But the best views in the world do not mitigate against the person who has just removed K5,000 from the joint bank account.
I am envious of those who can stick it out here, what with the persistent stealing, robbery, betrayals, deals going bad, pervasive and persistent mis-trust, and the unrelenting “moni cum” chant.
I will be leaving happy with what I did, unhappy with what I did not achieve, but I can rest my head on my pillow that I did not rip anyone off, steal from a person’s wallet, or betray a friendship.
Man will always self preserve, and that’s what I am doing.
Good luck with what you are doing.
The limestone cliffs of Simbu are familiar to me. We have a “hut” in my wife’s village not far from Chuave.
Just logged into Internet Banking – balance is showing N/A… I sure hope that it’s the system that is playing up and not something else!
R
Guys, move further south, come to the Solomons!!! I’m living in Honiara now and have the benefit of having mod cons with melanesian lifestyle. I must admit though my wife and her family are a ‘modern’ family – a few generations removed from the village, but still enough village left to be nice ( motu in the garden anyone? someone just gave us a pig!!). :-)
Cheers,
Nick Reese
Hi Nick,
Been a long time!
R
Nick,
I have been thinking of the Solomons for some time.
Is land ownership the same as PNG, that is, a foreigner cannot own real estate in his/ her own right. Must have a 51% local partner. Is there any freehold property ?
I was there many years ago on a short holiday, so did not pay much attention to the local rules.
The place seems to be moving ahead a little.
RW