Who’s the Daddy?

missing personThe following are all replies that  Manchester women have, allegedly, written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing “father’s details;” or putting it another way…. Who’s the Daddy?

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can pro vide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at  360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he’s had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son’s conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he informs me that to do so wo uld blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country . Please advise.

7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time…. well, I don’t have clue.

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .

9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St , mine might have remained unfertilized.

Last but not least…

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can’t be sure which one made you fart.

The Author

3 responses to “Who’s the Daddy?”

  1. aigir aggregate

    nice post robert

  2. Harrassed Whitefella

    Laugh or cry??

    I was at the in-laws place last Christmas. I started to get hassled by my mother-in-law, who thought that I wasn’t being a ‘good enough’ Dad to my one-year old (hey, I was on holidays, and there were half a dozen Aunties there – what happened to communal parenting??). This made me cranky as the baby was a bit sick and so crying a lot, but that must have been something to do with my bad parenting. I then started to do some calculations:

    My mother-in-law had 5 children there, to 3 different fathers – at least the father to one of them was present. Her sister who lives up the hill and whose kids were hanging out lots has 4 kids to 3 different parents. One daughter has a child – who knows who the Dad was, but he hasn’t been around for years. Another daughter has a child – we know who the Dad is, be he left when the child was born. The youngest daughter has 3 children to three different fathers – none of whom were even close to present.

    I think I should have got 100% in the parenting stakes for just being there!! Not to mention the fact that I picked up lots of work while there and so was working during my holiday!! Melanesia – sometimes you just can’t win :-)

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